Comics RoastBy: Marc

Delays, etc.

2006-09-10T23:10:00.000-04:00

School started, and I'm quite busy again.

All I have to say about today is:

FC Daddy is a schitz

and

Aldo Kelrast will lash back this week! Trust me! After a long week of put-downs, now its his turn to put down "BBShell" and Prof. Chinbeard MD.

Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring PAD PHONE! Doot doot a doot a do!

2006-08-24T14:55:00.000-04:00

If you know what the title of this post is referring to, you have too much spare time...like me ;).

Hi and Lois 8/24/06:

Look! A 6 digit "pad" phone! Doesn't the telephone holder look like a menstruation pad? And why is there an electric blue pen hanging from it? Do these 6 digit phones come with pens now? So you can test the phone now..like on those commercials:

Look at how much Brand A doesn't absorb compared to H&L's pad phone! The blue liquid seeps into Brand A and can leave you feeling uncomfortable!

So basically, if I wanted to call my house..it would be impossible, seeing as there are only 6 digits. I guess Ditto's friend's number is something along the lines of: 458-9121. Pshh...who needs 3, 6, 9, 0, and star and pound buttons anyway?!

Door slamming in Charterstone?! GASP!

2006-08-23T00:31:00.000-04:00

Mary Worth 8/23/06:

Just when you think the 24/7 stalking tale can't get any better, it does. I have been a fan of Mary Worth for quite some years. I never really read her daily strips until a little more than a year ago, when I became a "Cardinal" at Comics Curmudgeon.

If you are reading this blog, you are probably a regular reader at CC, so no need to recap.

I have never seen so many people obsess over this white-haired, meddling hag. One member (whose name I do not know) has created a YouTube clip of Mary getting stalked by good ol' Aldo Kelrast when all she wants to do is bring her groceries into her ground floor apartment in peace.

Her chutzpah in panel two is amazing!

Let's analyze:

Panel one: Aldo sweet talks Mary, while she tries to cut-short the conversation. Finger pointing makes the reader know that she's talking to Aldo and not the stucco building. (I would be soooo confused if she wasn't pointing!)

Panel two: What's this? At first glance it looks like Mary is slamming the door while Aldo is inside...but he's outside. Great job not putting reflection lines on his body, Giella! But look at that emphatic "SLAM!" The last time inanimate objects let out their emotions was when Ritzilla dropped Mary's Sex Swans on her kitchen floor.

P.S.: Mary...just to let you know, if there is no lock on the glass door (which is not shown), Aldo can still open the door...no? You're so smart and full of self-ritgeousness that you don't even think ahead! That face Mary has in panel two makes me laugh...no one has infuriated Mary in such a long time, so I forgot what it looked like until this hilarious storyline.

I can see Mary stopping off to check her mail in the built-in mailboxes which vary in size and shape.

Discussion: What magazine could you see Mary subscribing to? I could see Old Hags Monthly and Martha Stewart Living.

Simply Poop

2006-08-09T00:10:00.000-04:00

Hi and Lois 8/9/06

Oh Hi & Lois! Pulling out the poop jokes are we, eh? Trying to gain viewers? I'm afraid it's a bit too late...besides PJ from Family Circus takes the "cute comic strip baby" award. I mean, the moral Christian morals in the strip make it more "wholesome." There's too much hinting at world issues in your strip..what with your parent's BDSM lifestyle, your older brother's raging hormones, and your mom and Irma wearing Depends at the gym.

Funky Winkerbean 8/9/06

Funky Winkerbean is such a morbid strip lately. Why is this woman always talking about dying....I know her chance of living is slim.....at least enjoy the last "years" you will be living. Stop being such a Debbie Downer, okay?

I'm back.....and Hi and Lois encourages anorexia

2006-07-25T00:29:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I read today's Hi and Lois online. Here are some of my thoughts.

a) Is it healthy for a 40 something woman of that height to be 98 lbs? NO.

b) Why is this show-off bitch proclaiming to our stressed-out women her unhealthy weight?

c) Where is Irma plugged in? Maybe it makes sense to actually walk instead of wasting the small amount of money you have. Perhaps that money can be saved....or spent on a landscaper (if you are so inclined to spend), because gee whiz! Your backyard needs to be mowed! AGAIN! LOL!!!! That gag just never gets old!

d) Is it Depends day at this generic "Fitness Center?" Irma seems to be sporting this lovely adult diaper too. Is it in fashion in Hi and Lois-ville? I thought characters weren't supposed to show age in these types of strips. But wow, think about it.....Hi and Lois tackles the subjects of BDSM, Anorexia, teen hormones, SUV gas emmisions, AND incontenence. To quote They'll do it Every Time: Who'da thunk it. Translation: Who would have thought that such a topical strip could deal with such important world issues!

e) "Show-off bitch" seems to be driving away...but how did she get into the car? There's a pickle where the handle should be!!! Hahah!! And her face completely vanished.

Those are my main nitpicks and observations.

And according to Bil Keane, holding a piece of sporting equipment the wrong way is comic strip worthy. When it's a young child holding the object it's automatically "Precious and adorable" in the eyes of America's grandmothers.

Here is my version:

I shall return...

2006-07-02T00:09:00.000-04:00

Summer vacation/hiatus..I'll start posting again late July or early August.

One Year! One Year!

2006-06-25T15:41:00.000-04:00

It has been one year to this date that this fine, (who am I kidding) blog has been around.

I have learned through several bloggers such as Big Al, Josh, and Yellojkt, such techniques as...

Asking the public what they want. And please, do continue to tell me. And comment! Please. Most of the time I feel like I am writing into space....no one will see this.
Linking to other bloggers; they feel obligated to link back to promote one's page. This has happened a couple of times to this blog.
Add variety! No one wants to see the same old "Family Circus is stoopid" or "Mary Worth is a meddling old hag" gags. That is why I have added different mediums of communication to this blog.

So please, all of my reader(s) ( :\ ) link to me, mention me, refer readers..anything. I want an audience to tell my thoughts to.

Thank you for a good year!

Marc

The One Year Anniversary is Coming up!

2006-06-23T11:53:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it has been a year since I started this blog. I'll bore you more one the 25th.

Anyway. Courtesy of Big Al

Pissed Off Jeffy:

Create a caption!

EXAMPLE: "Daddy, stop hugging Barfy for so long!"

If I get enough comments (Which I highly doubt) I will turn it into a contest..and then choose the NON-MONETARY prize.

Thanks!

Incest Dressed up as the Average 1950's Family

2006-06-17T12:13:00.000-04:00

Family Circus 5/23/06:

Family Circus 6/17/06:

Okay, so it's less than a month between these incestual strips and Dolly is still professing her relationship about her and her father. What does Dolly find so attractive about her father? That he's not an aquamarine background character? That he actually is out earning a living while Thel is at home with her mother-in-law listening to the daily gibberish coming out of the kids' mouths?

Dolly, just to let you know, generally department stores with teal floors and perfume samples on the cosmetics counters don't sell heart-shaped boxes with golf balls inside. How about you use that new-fangled Internet and find kid-friendly instructions on how to make a heart-shaped box? Hey look, Dolly, I found instructions on how to make a heart-shaped box! Now you only have to buy golf balls!

It took all of three seconds, and seeing how you will never grow up, take as long as you need.

And I hope you stab yourself with the scissors while cutting the box to shape. That'll teach you a lesson about fantasizing about your father!

Finals

2006-06-03T15:48:00.000-04:00

have sucked the life out of me.

Sorry for the delay

2006-05-27T16:41:00.000-04:00

I'm really busy during Memorial Day weekend.

A new post soon!

I promise!

New Feature: Text chat pranks

2006-05-13T16:05:00.000-04:00

After seeing a man on zug.com prank Lands' End Live, I thought I would give it a try on this boring, lackluster day.

Enter Joyce K. A very perky, willing to please, and spineless woman (You would be too if your job was text chatting with weirdos all day).

I assumed the identity of Hannah Goldman, an old Jewish woman looking for some items to impress my husband of 30 years "Morty."

Read from bottom, working your way to the top. Apparently Lands' End does everything backwards!

Joyce K: Thank you for using Lands' End Live.
Joyce K: It was a pleasure.
Joyce K: Bye.
Joyce K: You have a good sense of humour. (Editor's note: You're in America! Stop talking like a Foob!)
Joyce K: Ha
Joyce K: May I assist you with anything else, please?
Hannah Goldman: Looks like a windowpane that wasn't installed correctly! haha well thank you for all of your help! bye bye now
Joyce K: Many flannel shirts are just checks, so the windowpane is different design.
Joyce K: The windowpane is supposed to resemble a windowpane.
Joyce K: This is all we have right now in Extra Large Tall .
Hannah Goldman: any idea why the patterns are called _____windowpane? They're shirts
Joyce K: We will be carrying more flannel shirts in August.
Joyce K: I'm sorry.
Hannah Goldman: any other options?
Hannah Goldman: Oy those patterns are miskayt.
Joyce K: Yes, it is a small world.
Hannah Goldman: ok isee the shirts
Hannah Goldman: Oh wow! you're out there! I have a relative who lives in Dodgeville actually! ha! what a small world!
Joyce K: I am in Dodgeville, Wisconsin.
Hannah Goldman: so what part of te country are you in?
Hannah Goldman: oh its not your fault, dear
Joyce K: Just a moment. Please let me check for you.
Joyce K: I'm sorry that happened.
Hannah Goldman: he needs tall
Hannah Goldman: why thank you so much!! you are very kind! the last woman I talked too was quite rude!
Joyce K: Does he need a size tall?
Joyce K: Yes, our shirts are generous.
Joyce K: That shows you are a great cook! (Editor's note: Sucking up won't make me buy your ugly shirts!)
Hannah Goldman: My husband Morty has some "love handles" he isnt as trim as he was 30 years ago when I married him. You know men, all they do is eat our food!!! hah any XXL shirts?
Joyce K: May I send that page to you? It will appear on your computer screen.
Joyce K: We have different patterns of flannel, and they all have a generous fit.
Hannah Goldman: hmmmm..then what can you tell me about your mens flannel shirts..what colors do you like? my husband, Morty is looking for some, but he has very questionable taste
Joyce K: Is there something more I may help you with?
Joyce K: We appreciate you asking, however.
Joyce K: Our jeans are all traditional.
Joyce K: I'm sorry.
Hannah Goldman: do you sell things that arent so traditional?
Joyce K: Some jeans are a traditional fit, some are relaxed fit, and some fit lower on the hip.
Hannah Goldman: I just got home from temple a few hours ago, and I am looking to purchase some tight old man jeans.
Joyce K: There are different styles.
Joyce K: All of our jeans are a great quality and are guaranteed.
Joyce K: How kind of you to inquire!
Hannah Goldman: what can you tell me about your womens jeans? Oh Im doing just swell! :-)
Joyce K: :-)
Joyce K: How are you?
Joyce K: I am fine, thank you, Hannah.
Hannah Goldman: how are you today?

Is this the end?

2006-05-06T11:26:00.000-04:00

Why have there been a lack of posts?

I can relate to today's Grand Avenue (First panel).

If anyone would like to help "whore" my blog, that would be great!

I know many blogs start off very slow, but it has almost been a year since I started this one.

I can write well, I really can, I just don't put a lot of effort into my posts anymore because only one person:--Yellojkt actually makes himself "visible." He's got a great blog, and I actually try to learn from him regarding blogging. I'm not going to commit plagiarism in a Kayvaa Viswanathan way; my blog will always be about my thoughts.

BOW CHICKA WOW WOW!

2006-04-14T09:46:00.000-04:00

Long time no post!

Wow, it's quite steamy in the comics section lately, eh?

Sally and Ted want to play their own "Boss and Worker" type game when they get home. But like usual, Sally is the important boss, and Ted will play the worker with the menial job. Also, Sally and Ted must live quite close to the city; they both live in high rises in the city, and can negotiate traffic and get home within ten minutes? There's a suprise all in itself.

And Mary! She is still eating with the Stirlings who are fighting over a piece of Apple-Pear pie, baked by Mrs. Mary WASPWorth. This pie looks like glorified pizza on a platform...no? And the coffee; liquid crap. And...what does he mean "we share everything"? They swap saliva everynight; no surprise to me. It has been made quite clear that these empty nesters don't mind gettin' it on in Building B at Charterstone. Lou's obsession with Plumpers is simply not healthy though. I would love to see this storyarc end with Lou having a heart attack, laying on the floor for three weeks until the ambulance comes. Then...BRAND NEW LOU! "I'm gonna exercise, eat healthy, and bike!" But, tear tear, Kelly can't keep up with his pace and cries about it for another 6 weeks.

Teenagers do the darndest things!

2006-03-17T22:07:00.000-05:00

(Click to enlarge)

A few weeks later, and we see another:

"Teenagers do the Darndest Things" setup in Hi and Lois.

Chip is naked.
Chip was just in the laundry room/basement a few weeks ago complaining about his "sock."
Chip enjoys streaking around young'ns.

Well, I must say, this suburbanite family has their own little secrets, and many of them are sexual. Afterall, Hi and Lois have a BDSM lifestyle (big al). I'm not surprised that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Soon, lil Dot's dress will get picked up by a curious Ditto, but some how it will work out to appear a harmless strip, even if we do know that incest runs ramped in the Flagston household.

Better make sure Trixie (what a whor-ish name) doesn't have an affair with Dawg!

BDSM, Incest, and Beastiality, Oh my!

Hi and Lois need to tone down the sexual tone and go onto the overplayed cliche jokes. It's better than getting images of Hi and Lois!

Ugh. Hormones, etc.

2006-02-27T16:27:00.000-05:00

Today's Hi and Lois:

Oh My. And I never say "Oh my."

I'm sensing something wrong with this situation.

Chip finds a black sock "under his bed" and is holding it like a dainty little doll. Also, why is the bottom part of the sock "sagging?"

Why is Lois running? Her son is giving her a well...um... "spankercheif." (Credit Natalie Dee) Honestly, there is way too much sexual tension in the Flagston household. And too many black and white clothes.

I see Hi is going for the "Amish farmer" look.

I think I'll stop here.

What's on Jane's papers?

2006-02-22T00:21:00.000-05:00

Ohh! Jane Hand is good with her hands!! Heh! Look, she's smiling! I don't think this sinister bitch has ever smiled before! But the mystery remains...what is on those papers? Sexual Kama Sutra positions? Corpse of a dead Wendy...hmmm?

I had an idea......maybe she has pictures like this....

Four WASPs walk into an Asian restaurant......

2006-02-21T12:18:00.000-05:00

I created another "edited" Mary Worth comic. If newspapers weren't censored, I'd love to see strips like these on the funny pages! It would actually make the comics worth reading!

Speaking of Worth, here's today's edited strip:

New Layout

2006-02-21T02:22:00.001-05:00

The old layout was really getting to me. It was too default-like. I hope you all like the changes. It's more fun, modern, and my style.

New post to follow.

Part 3!

2006-02-19T00:30:00.000-05:00

I think you'll enjoy this week's tutorial.

Enjoy!!

http://img455.imageshack.us/img455/9325/maryworthpt3small9nk.png

Copy into address bar! If you click the link you will get nowhere! If anyone cares to help me so that I can get an actual image up without distorting the page, it would be greatly appreciated.

Part Deux

2006-02-12T00:07:00.000-05:00

Part two (for the people who do not know un petit francais:))

This week though, we have learned that Mary learned that it is her "Responisibility to clean up the dishes."

That would make a great shirt. haha

Anyway, your feature presentation:

http://img76.imageshack.us/img76/5320/maryworthpt2small0eb.png

Copy into browser.

Hey there kiddies! Create your own Mary Worth comic strip!

2006-02-05T13:11:00.001-05:00

It is truly amazing what one can do with MSPaint on a lazy Sunday.

http://img521.imageshack.us/img521/9024/maryworthpt1small7kn.png

Copy into your address bar.

DAMN!

2006-01-29T18:54:00.000-05:00

My laptop of 3 years crashed today....I need to reinstall XP, and every other program known to man. Posts will take second fiddle. I'm sorry for the inconvienience.

DUCK AND COVER!!!

2006-01-14T00:44:00.000-05:00

Wilbur looks like he could be in a fall out shelter public service announcement!

Since when do guys put their hands over their heads and worry? But then again, we're dealing with a potential transgender so.....

Dawn is trying to make heads or tails out of this situation and all her father can do is place his hands on his head?!

Although this plot seems interesting, Wilbur has just repeated the same thing everyday for the past three weeks! Let's move on to the court proce---oh wait, we have to tell Mary. It will take another 17 weeks for Wilbur to tell Mary and not only will she scrutinize him, she'll be her bitchy self and blame him and his 40-key keyboard.

---

By the way, I post daily (or almost everyday) at www.joshreads.com (The Comics Curmudgeon). I cannot always form a cohesive blog post, so all thoughts go there. My username at Joshreads is "Marc."

Only another 299 lawsuits and Lindsay Lohan will envy you!

2006-01-09T22:51:00.000-05:00

Quick post:

Done with the gruel so soon, Wilbur?

Perhaps if you keep on writing hasty responses you'll lose those holiday pounds, and then some! I like how one wall has black paint and the other has white...symbolisim?

Wilbur looks like he's going to drop that poor phone into his food....

Sorry this was lackluster, creative juices arent flowing today.

Cowboy, policeman, doctor....

2006-01-06T19:55:00.000-05:00

What generic job does Ted Forth want?

Check out the discussion at Comics Curmudgeon

Jane Hand has sued "The Santa Barbara Times" Because Wilbur Weston gave "hasty advice!"

Can't wait to see tomorrow's comic and Sunday's comic (which also comes tomorrow for me.)

Sorry, Image Uploader isn't working for me right now...

What I learned this year...

2005-12-31T16:13:00.000-05:00

1) The Forth family are the world's worst pet owners. Ever.

A recap for all you people who may not remember, or did not follow the summer Sally Forth plot:

The Forths are almost ready to book their trip to Paris, France as a Summer vacation until.......Sally makes an observation one day. (in June, possibly July?) "Ted, have you seen Kitty?" "Hilary, have you seen Kitty?" Uh-oh time to look around the yard for not well-known cat, that appeared 10 times since the strip started in the '80s. Basically the Forths check the outside of their house, even though Kitty is an indoor cat. Hmm, maybe you should check indoors first, seeing as it is less to search than your whole neighborhood! The Forths mosey around their yard for a week or so before Ted the genius decides "Hmm, let's check the basement!" What a novel idea, Ted. We then find out that Kitty is laying next to the hot water heater and looks dead. Ted tells us "Looks like she threw-up a lot." Thanks, Ted, really needed the image of cat vomit in my head, first thing in the morning! Paris is looking grim seeing as Kitty needs to be unclogged, and the Forths are quoted $3,000, which soon turns to $3,500. After Kitty's successful surgery, we find out that the vet had other unforseen costs, and the bill ends up being $3,900. I could understand if you wanted to save the life of a loving animal, but this is Kitty, a cat that is rarely seen in Sally Forth, and just a freeloader in my opinion. Once Kitty comes home and Hilary's tears dry up, we are subjected to seeing Kitty walk around the Forth household with an Elizabethian collar for a week or so. Moral of the story? Pay attention to your fricken pet, and if you don't, you won't be able to afford a trip to Paris.

2a) Hi & Lois love a hardcore sexual lifestyle (as blogged at Big Al's comic blog)

Ah, Valentine's day, a day of floating hearts, black heart shaped boxes of chocolate, and sexual innuendo. Oh wait, that's what happened in Hi & Lois, earlier in the year. I really do not want to go into much detail, because just the thought of cartoon sex makes me want to spit my breakfast on the newspaper.

2b) Hi, Lois, and Dot enjoy watching a teenage boy shower.

Although this was a week or so ago, I had to blog this because, well, seeing someone in the shower, first thing in the morning is just wrong...especially when you can see 3/4 of the person's body. Might want to invest in a bathroom door lock.

3) Mary Worth is the funniest strip in the newspaper, even though it is meant as a soap opera strip.

Where else can you get hardcore meddling, broken swan action, drunken rage, transgender columnists that type using 40-key, keyboards, WASPy Charterstone homeowners, and bitchy women such as Jane Hand? (Except Jane Hand has bi-polar tendencies and is going to sue the Syndicated Press).

4) Foobs are....well Foobs.

As the title says. Whether they be "Roadside," enjoy plot lines about central vaccums, spend two weeks talking about Mtigwacki lifestyle (as if anyone in the free world cares), can be semi-retarded and in love with computer generated voices, or enjoy the occasional dog biscuit or Pupsy Yummies. Can't forget mounties who travel days at a clip to proclaim their love to Lizardbreath. Ah, and the Kelpfroths, who may just be the bitchiest fictional Canadian characters ever.

5) Family Circus needs to be discontinued

and so does Marmaduke and Garfield. Period.

6) Momma Zits, (Connie Duncan) has the world's weirdest boobs

and should be in the Guiness Book of World Records for their freakish shape.

7) Comic blogs are interesting, and everyone can share their thoughts about the day's comic strips.

I suggest:

Big Al's Comic Blog

The Comics Curmudgeon

and
April's "Real" Comic Blog

8) Ces, (the creator of Sally Forth) has an amazing website

which features possibly the Internet's funniest web comic, MediumLarge. The strip is updated Monday-Friday. On Friday, on the blog version of his website, their is a post about "Friday DrinkPod Downloads." They host indie artists' songs which are ususally available for download. Great way to discover amazing songs which are virtually unknown to most of the world. Ces's website is titled "Drink at work." The site was just recently redesigned, and easy to navigate.

9) Blondie threw a 75th anniversary bash one Sunday in September, which featured many comic strip characters.

Blondie and Dagwood went on a cruise for a week or two, and once they got home we got to enjoy the lovely monotony

10) Comic strips are redundant, mundane, and never get too old to poke fun at

It's a never ending chain. Sally Forth bit the ears off of Hilary's chocolate rabbit! Mother's Day, kids make breakfast in bed, but oops, burnt the toast! Father's Day, got Daddy a tie, look at that enthusiasm on his face! Dagwood ran into Beasley, the mailman again! Oh look, now Dagwood is napping on the couch! What a shocker! Miss Buxley Wednesdays are fun, and feature her almost every (if not every) Wednesday. Thanksgiving, makes everyone full, except Garfield! Fruitcake jokes! Christmas trees cost a lot, gee wiz!!! Uh-oh Funky Winkerbean's marching band got rained out again!

And, now, I shall end, seeing as I have probably lost your interest. Maybe I didn't. If you are still reading this, then Happy, healthy New Year!

Happy Holidays!

2005-12-22T22:33:00.000-05:00

The title of this post says it all, folks. This will be my last post before the new year of 2006. May your 2006's be filled with happiness, health, and fun!

At least this year I will not be subject to "What-a-Jew-to-do-day(r)" as my uncle so eloquently put it years and years ago. This year Christmas and Hanukkah fall on the same day!

Happy Holidays and a wonderful New Year!

(More posts to follow....Holiday season for me has been quite hectic!)

Wrong purse, Marm!

2005-12-14T21:23:00.000-05:00

This will be a very brief entry..

Marm! Wrong purse, because today we see Alice from Sally Forth, (look up today's comic, not enough time to add it!) loves taking home salmon, in her purse...........Like bread! A middle-class cliche, about dining out!

And...Doesn't Dottie "Mrs. Marm" look distorted today...more than usual?? 20's flapper-ish? mental disablility-like?

Ces, I think you and Brad were in cahoots, in a way...ha

Look! The lamp is floating in mid air! I know, that in comics, it is generally not a good idea to draw all of the objects around the person fully, but this is just extreme. Watch out Dottie! That cheezy lamp you got at a garage sale down the block, is heading right at you!

Ssss...Burn!

2005-12-13T21:12:00.000-05:00

And you thought the only sassy cartoon character was Rosie from the Jetsons?

Meet Nameless Secretary! She works for the divorced Mrs. Hand, and loves making come backs, and burns...But why is Nameless Secretary trying to annoy someone higher than her on the corporate ladder? I mean, Jane has a corner office, and a well paying job...but N.S. just answers phones and does menial paperwork. Certainly not something to brag about! Meanwhile, Jane looks very important on her computer, with a line graph of a stock called "MARK." Nope, can't be a reference to me, I'm MarC. ha!

As we see here in Monday's strip, N.S. tells Jane the news that her ex-husband of "several months" (according to that damn white ominous box) has been promoted to VP of his company! Let's break out the champagne! Life is going so well for him!! A potential girl friend, VP, etc! But then, Nameless secretary tells Jane, "How do you feel about him now?" Ohh!! Burn! Need some aloe for that burn, Jane?

Pretty damn crappy, I would assume. But keep in mind everyone, "He was never home!" Oh my! If your husband makes six-figures, I don't think he matters, because life is then a complete spending spree! I bet Josh Hand would get imported champagne from wine country in France, that was aged better than Mary Worth...hopefully.

By the way, Jane..May want to lose the headband, you look like a 15-year-old girl, minus the stress marks of course! I'd love to see Jane beat N.S. senseless with that newspaper!

Now..Today's MW:

Happy for him? Happy for Mr.I-look-like-a -cardboard-cut-out? If I were her, my main priority would to expose something about him! Get him "dethroned!" Perhaps, set up "Ned" "Who can't measure up to what she wanted" with Josh. Then take a picture of them in the same picture and send it to the tabloids! Mass-produce it! Start a scandal!

But for now, it is supressed anger which doesn't show, and the victim of her anger may be N.S. What a nosy slut N.S. is! Get your hand off of Jane's shoulder! You just dissed her less than a "minute" ago, and now you are trying to console her?

More like "As a transgender..."

2005-12-09T12:04:00.000-05:00

Click to enlarge...

Okay, so I'm back, I have had many other things to do, and this blog was temporarily forgotten by yours truly..

So, Mary Worth...It's the continuing saga of "Mary leaves her building to have some sort of a life (not very often, the life part that is...) and a neighbor (transgender/hippie/evicted) talks to her and they have a long "calm," WASPy arguement.

As my mother would say: "What a fashion plate!" Doesn't everyone wear light blue doormat/quilt-ish jackets? They sell them all over!

Those palm trees look so good just about now, just shovelling 5 in. of snow from my front door and my back door, and steps that lead off of my backdoor. The keyboard on my laptop seems so hot! I would give anything to live in Charterstone, in Santa Royale, CA, right now, even if it meant being subject to meddling and transgender neighbors, and wearing electric color clothes, and getting my furniture moved to different, various directions every time I switched my position.

Looks like all this "stress" is taking a beating on Mary! Better get her Botox for Meddling-mas!

Updates, Shmupdates

2005-12-08T23:28:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of updates, but I have been very busy with my work and the holidays, etc. Update tomorrow! I promise!

Looking for a co-blogger!

2005-11-29T20:23:00.000-05:00

Do you have what it takes to be my co-blogger?

Do you not have a blog, but want to share your thoughts, ON A MAIN PAGE?

I'm looking for someone to help me!

Sometimes, my creative juices dry up for a few days or so, and I feel I need a new post! If you have a blog, you can still be a co-blogger!

All you have to do, is send me an e-mail with a comic and commentary about it! I will post it on my blog and give you full credit! This is a chance for your humor and thoughts about comics to be known to the Blogger community, and beyond!

It is a very simple premise, and I encourage you to submit content to me!

tap17@optonline.net

Might I suggest Lenscrafter's, Thel?

2005-11-27T01:00:00.000-05:00

Today's Family Circus:

Hahahaha! Spongebob! Eventy-teen! Jeffy, you just crack me up! What cracks me up even more is that mommy:

A) Lost her son

B) Left her other three kids to find her one annoying child (Let's face it, you don't go to a mall with just one child when you have others!)

C) Never taught her son his name and age!

His name and age!

I don't think he's trying to be funny, or is he? Maybe he wants to watch TV, eat candy canes, and recline on a plastic choo-choo train! Perhaps his mom would never come back, and he would live off of fountain soda (with that sexy attendant), and a multitude of other strep, flu, and staph ridden toys!

This is the first time in years that Bil Keane has put more than the colors yellow and green in a Sunday strip! Look purple!! And orange!! Wow!

Now, for the sexy attendant who seems to be in charge of her little station:

Chances are that the kids who will go to "LOST CHILD HQ" will be under ten.

Why the hell do children under ten years old need soda!?

They're hyper enough as it is! And darts! Who the f*** lets toddlers and young children play with darts? Popcorn, too! Seeing as the children who get lost often have the same IQ as Jeffy, they will probably shove the popcorn up their nose or choke on it! And gumballs!! This place is just ridden with choking hazards! Maybe they want to teach the parents a lesson, that if their kid ends up there, ironically, it's less safe than if their child ran around a shipping bay and the janitor's break room? How could such a basic comic leave all of these thoughts for us to ponder?

And finally, why do you need a telescope, inside?

What are you going to look at?

"Oh look, Mr. neighbor man is groping a manequin in Victoria's Secret on the third floor!"

"Why is daddy parading around in a floral dress by Macy's?"

"Uh oh, here comes mommy! She doesn't look so happy!"

So, be the judge. Who's more irresponsible? Is it Thel, who let her "bundle of joy" run away, unbeknownst to her whose son probably think he is named after a cartoon and is eleventy-teen years-old? Or is it the sexy attendant who let's three year olds drink soda and play with darts? And gumballs, too?

Call DYFS for him. Both people are not fit for taking care of him.

Celebration of the rounded spindle chair

2005-11-24T12:13:00.000-05:00

I am alarmed at how many comic strip families have the same chairs and dinette sets (not the comic). Do they all shop at the same furniture store?

Today's Hi and Lois:

And while I am at it, why is Trixie being served out of a dog bowl? Why is there no turkey? Can they not afford turkey, and only a glob of mashed potatoes with about two peas per person? I don't think the turkey is in the oven, because there should be those classic smoke lines eminating from the kitchen. And..one more observation, why is the food they are partaking of on a buffet (with nothing else) and not on the table. There is certainly room on that lovely electric blue tableclothed table for a bowl of lumpy mashed potatoes. Maybe they don't want to over indulge. But then why would they place it in front of a mirror? So you can see more of it? You puzzle me, Flagstons.

Today's Rose is Rose:

Look, even the hick-ish family that lives in the middle of nowhere can afford such a sumptious feast. Look, Peekaboo is sleeping on the table, away from the family!! Today in Sally Forth, their Kitty, "Kitty" is sleeping on the couch, NEAR them. I think Kitty is actually making contact with her family because they paid her $3,700 doctor's bill. Anyway, Pasquale is going on and on about things his parents aren't listening to (Note: They are rolling their eyes).

Today's Jump Start:

Haha, those two babies are so funny, are they not? Hah you don't get your teeth for another year or so, and it'll hurt like a bitch.

Happy Thanksgiving readers! May you all enjoy your feasts and spindle chairs, if you have any!

Margo

2005-11-20T18:05:00.000-05:00

Oh Margo! You almost got hit by a metal beam! Let's all crowd around and talk to strangers! Margo then whimpers and sobs about it. Stop milking it Margo, you're unscathed.

Now, who is that mysterious man? Is it her real father? I don't know, but maybe instead of pointing and talking, you should confront the man before another beam almost hits you.

Ted should be Sony's spokesman

2005-11-20T01:34:00.000-05:00

So It's late, and I thought I would post...

Sally Forth:
(Enlarge it)

First panel. Hilary, you fatty! You just finished your candy now?! When I was a child the candy was gone in less than a week! Is Sally one of those mothers who must "ration" their children's diets? No, Sally is too smug for that. She thinks she's a pro chef with that washcloth on her bright fuschia shirt.

Now, my advice to Ted: It's not generally the best time to film people when they scream "Don't you knock!?" That means:
A) Ted likes to be a peeping tom
B) One of the female Forth's is relieving themselves
C) Ted is trying to film Sally while she is changing (see A)

Ted needs to keep that videocamera locked up, and it should only be used by the man of the house, cough Sally cough.
What freaks me out the most is how Ted just suddenly fades to blue. Are you cold Ted? Are you feeling sad? The world may never know. . .

Dear Abby Needs Some Advice.

2005-11-11T12:30:00.000-05:00

In my newspaper today, I found a Dear Abby that I found interesting. I don't usually read the letters thoroughly, but this one just made me laugh. Not the letter itself, but her response. Here's the letter that was printed in my paper:

Dear Abby:
My husband and I are child-free thirtysomethings who own a home with a yard and no fence. Our house and yard are a sanctuary from our hectic professional lives.
Lately, the neighbor's cat has been using our yard as a place to recline, and it hisses at me. Also another neighbor and his kids have been using our yard as a thoroughfare from the property behind us to their own yard, which has a fence.
I respect the space of other people. I expect that respect in return. We plan to plant more flower beds in the future, and they will be in the way of their path. Am i curmudgeonly to feel this way?
-Encroached Upon in Florida
DEAR ENCROACHED UPON:
They should respect your privacy, property, and expressed wishes-but it appears they don't. So surround your property either with a hedge or attractive fence. And as to the cat, tell its owners that unless they keep it off your property, you will inform animal control. (Then do it if necessary.)

--

Wow, Dear Abby let me tell you that your advice sucked.

There is a very easy solution to all of this. Maybe if you weren't too busy putting peroxide in your extremely blonde hair, you would realize that this would be good advice:

Tell the disrespectful father and his children to not walk through your yard because you plan to plant flowers in their path. Ask your next door neighbor if they mind if the disrespectful bastard and his kids (ironic) walk through their yard. Hmm, wow that makes so much sense doesn't it??? Animal Control? Psh, that'll just get your other next door neighbors pissed even more at you. If I were them, and you called Animal Control on my cat I would tell my cat to attack you especially. Just tell the people that they should make sure their cat doesn't leave their property.

Any thoughts??

Moy and Giella why do you confuse your readers, and characters?

2005-11-09T17:48:00.000-05:00

Those ugly curtains can make a nice dress for your "Wendy time"

2005-11-03T23:14:00.000-05:00

Another post! Thanks Big Al for quoting me on the previous comic post! Since Blogger photo uploader is giving me trouble i've been having to use imageshack. So until I get this straightened out, click all of the images I upload to see bigger versions. (Hey! Plus you'll be able to read them!)

Sally's Clothes: Now Playing

2005-11-01T20:10:00.000-05:00

Another installment:

(You'll have to click the image)

The not-so-secret life of Wilber

2005-10-26T23:10:00.000-04:00

I'm back with another creation:

Just a quick post.

2005-10-24T01:53:00.000-04:00

I'm baaaacck.

At least this once, then. I made this. Yay, copyright infringement!

2005-07-07T20:48:00.000-04:00

I regret to inform you all that this blog will be on hiatus until further notice.

2005-07-02T02:32:00.000-04:00

Wow. The full coverage continues

Today's Mary Worth:

Just when you think Mary's facial expressions couldnt get any funnier, they do. That face. It's so sinister that it could melt ice! Mary's high social status is practically ruined now that the raging alcoholic she took in, is a rubble rouser. Everyone in the background is looking in, just like a passerby on the highway during an accident. The lady in the black in panel one has that face like "I'm glad little Jeffrey didn't come along with us for dinner. This isn't suitable." She's obviously one of those overprotective Republican moms who bitches about children's characters being gay. The mom who will have more "My child is an honor student" bumper stickers than anyone else.

Then in panel two Mary smiles! Yes, she smiles! How do you go from "Ugh, 'dat bitch!" to "Aww, here let me help wipe-off your face, dear"? Then Rita puts on a 1950's impression and puts her hands over her mouth. Seriously, who does that anymore? Maybe she's licking the booze off of her fingers? She thinks that it's a clever disception! Haha, no.

Mr. Grump in the background looks like he's gonna whip Rita with a belt buckle. He has that waspy look doesn't he? Light blue shirt and parted hair. Hands at his waist.

That was another installment of:

THE COMICS ROAST!

2005-06-30T13:28:00.000-04:00

Sorry for not updating. These couple days have been busy. Anyway....

I know its a day late, but yesterday's Mary Worth really was too funny to pass up:

Yesterday's Mary Worth:

Enlarge to view.

To quote my friend Alexis "Wow, just wow." Mary Worth was always the quiet comic tucked away towards the bottom of the page for many many years. Now, you have Mary getting that PMS look on her face in the first comic, while Rita proclaims that Booze isnt her dinner for once! Hurrah for Rita!

But then...

Drunken rage! Rita how dare you yell and topple over that waiter's glass of blue colored water. (I always thought it was clear....) That face in the last panel is priceless. You came to a fancy restaurant to become more drunk and rustle some feathers! You're picking on some poor defensless pretty boy waiter! In the first panel he is cool and collected (or at least you think so). You cant really tell these things by looking at a crotch! All of the sudden Rita topples over the drink and those enormous ice cubes fling into space. All Dr. Cory can do is pick up his napkin and act very dainty.

2005-06-26T14:07:00.000-04:00

Due to a comment left by "Anonymous" on my first post, I shall continue blogging! I thought no one knew about this blog besides me. Anyway...

Today's Sally Forth:

(You may need to enlarge the comic)

Ted, Ted, Ted. You have now shown us that you really do have ADHD. "Oh, I can hear you, but I'm not listening." How kind of you Ted. While your at it next time you buy a car make sure it isn't bright magenta. The 80's have come and gone. Ted, while you show Sally disturbing pictures of your ear canal, make sure her, or other viewers didn't just eat a meal. Just to let you know, not many people can keep down a meal after they see their spouse's (or anyone's) ear wax. Next time you're at the store Sally, pick up some Q-Tips. Maybe getting Ted (who has ADHD and the attention of an ant) a camera phone was wasn't too smart......and those gay baby blue pants.

Today's Get Fuzzy:

Rob Wilco, You live with weird animals that talk. One is bent on world domination, and the other is gay/retarded. Seriously, a while back you gave Satchel a chick mag. GUYS DO NOT READ CHICK MAGAZINES! We don't need to know about our nails, take quizzes, or "does he like me or not?" I betcha that curdled, and moldy yogurt was Yoplait Light, so that he could keep his girlish figure. Rob bought it for Satchel, but Satchel never ate it! Now it looks more appealing! Ha! Then Rob smells the yogurt gingerly, and puts his pinky up! How high class! You are so fancy! Single, living in a two bedroom apartment, and watching after weird pets. You should be written up in Town and Country!

That's all for today folks!

Tune in again for another installment of:

THE COMICS ROAST!

2005-06-25T19:24:00.000-04:00

Avid comics readers! I have been inspired by Big Al's Comic Blog and The Comics Curmudgeon, and decided to start my own comics blog. I just discovered recently that there are other people besides me who have thoughts on certain comics. Sometimes they had the same thoughts as I did! I shall try and update this blog whenever possible.

So let's start roasting shall we?

Today's Sally Forth:

Oh no Sally! Things are getting unbearable at the office! No caffeine highs for Alice, no more copy machine priveleges, and lastly no more internet access! How will you live? If you get laid off how will you afford the installments of Kitty's surgery and those hip electric blue pants that every suburban mother wants! Will you rent out Hilary's room to a pedophile named Geert from Amsterdam? Will you have to become a hooker?

Ted Forth who always is a little bit too jubilant, decides to do like the Partridges and buy a school bus and paint it in a Mondrian design! Hello Ted, you have one daughter! The Partridge family had several kids. You have one child! Plus a free loading cat that almost became a paraplegic! What are you gonna do? You on the drums, Sally on the keyboard, Hilary on the tamborine, and Kitty on the guitar? Do you ever think things through? What a cliffhanger!

Today's Adam@Home:

This is one of those comics that makes you go "Wtf, why is this syndicated?!" Adam@Home portrays a middle class husband who works at home and often breaks his computer or listens to his wife bitch about the finances. Why did Laura (wife) marry Adam? Was it the money? No! He is a lazy over weight bum that talks to inanimate things such as scales! Was it the fact she was drunk? Probably! Everyday Adam@Home is worse than the day before. This comic strip is seldom funny and often a waste of space!

Today's Mary Worth:

Mary! Why the Hell would you let a raging alcoholic into your High class Charterstone home, let alone come along on a "date?" Mary, she didn't pay her rent and is along for a free meal. She's the type of freeloading bitch (like Kitty) that will be pampered and always on a road to recovery. (I'm sensing some plot assimilations between Sally Forth and Mary Worth!). And is Rita a theif? Did you notice that they are carrying the same purse? Perhaps when Mary let Rita stay alone she stole a purse from Mary's closet! :-0! Will Rita try to steal Jeff? Will they all end up on the Jerry Springer show? Only time will tell.

Today's Boondocks:

Wha???!!! How the Hell did this get past the editors? "Little"? The scariest part is how accurately the artist drew Michael Jackson! This is so wrong that I won't even say anymore. Excuse me while I puke.

Tune in again soon for another installment of:

COMICS ROAST!